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This is the final entry of the Sexiest Story Contest. This one from Frederika Alpert, an international journalist and author. Readers sent in their best advice and adventures for a chance to win $250 towards their next trip.

Hi, I’m an international journalist who has done a lot of travel. I’m too lazy now to write up anything but you give me the opportunity to give you my best jet-lag travel advice. I have often thought I should apprise Frommer or NY TImes readers of this tried and true method. Nothing works better than masturbation–preferably with a great vibrator–when in Asia and waking up every hour on the hour.

You wake up, you buzz, you sleep. You wake up, you buzz, you sleep. I’ve even done it on the plane, in the bygone days when flights to China weren’t full and one could lay out across three seats and pleasure oneself under a thick plaid blanket, not one of these flimsy things one is given now.

I will tell you a funny story of going through security with my big wonderful jet-lag cure-all, with the little buzzing rabbit attached. It might easily be mistaken for a bazooka under X-ray. About two and a half years ago, I was stopped in Shanghai, on my way out of the country. I knew what the problem was and didn’t want the attendant to open my luggage in full view. I didn’t know if she would understand English when I tried to quickly alert her to the situation. I motioned, I smiled, I tried, in simple English to indicate I knew what the problem was.

The woman carefully opened my luggage and when she saw the culprit, she smiled widely and silently closed my luggage. I was on my way. As I thought about it, I remembered having been told earlier that week by a friend who has lived in Asia nearly a decade that the sex toys we use in the States are, in fact, made in China. I had headed over to the Peace Hotel, on the Bund, to see the reputedly beautiful Art Deco Hotel for myself. After strolling through the public rooms, I walked across the street where a sex toy shop was in plain view.

Sure enough, I saw many of the toys I was familar with, having seen them in US stores and Web sites. Therefore, it made perfect sense to me that the airport security guard smiled as she did. After all, the Chinese–and the ancient Persians–practically invented sex. On that same trip, I had also hoped to make it to the Sex Museum, a legitimate museum devoted to the the history of sex in China. Alas, I discovered the museum has been moved to an hour by bus outside Shanghai and as I was on a working trip, I didnt have the time. I’m still hoping one of these days I will get there and see the thousand-year old progenitors of my? favorite toys.

[photo by: isriya]

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